He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Randomize
