The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're a waste of cheezeits
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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