dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
no you cant smoke seaweed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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