so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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