he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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