im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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