Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
