I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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