Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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