i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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