guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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