well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
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I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip