Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We were destined to go to rehab together
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
