saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
