yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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