dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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