apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
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You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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