Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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