I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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