1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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