Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
