this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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