Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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