her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
