I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
