great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
