yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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