apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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