To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
