does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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