Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The adults are the big ones right?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
