i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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