sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
