You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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