I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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