It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
