he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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