I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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