Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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