why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize