I will die if light touches me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
