I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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