Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
