dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
