she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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