The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
