HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
