The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
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My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
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I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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