I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
