I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That accounts for only three of the penises
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
