He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
