You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
