Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
