How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
