I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
