So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Duck Duck Cougar?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
