Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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