it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
