If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
