he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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We're using joints as your birthday candles
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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