I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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