i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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