dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
