You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
