I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
