Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
