Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
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