we have pet lesbian snakes
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
