ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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