Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It was like giving head to a cactus.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Randomize
