he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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