yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
