think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
