Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
