I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
