there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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