having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
