ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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