Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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