It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
