how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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