I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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