So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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