he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
