hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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